23.4.12

SCNN : Is Cow Tipping Yesterday's News?

For years cows have been bothered by immature humans seeking cheap entertainment. Many a bovine taking an innocent doze has been rudely aroused by a group of homosapien teens administering a solid thrust to his side. As you might imagine, such treatment has not been overlooked by the cow community.

There have been petitions and picket lines set up to alert the humans to this inhumane treatment. Until recently, our efforts have been ignored. One victim has stated, "Why don't they just let me rest. I don't come and try to knock them over while they sleep... Of course, cows are much more mild-mannered than humans. Cow tipping is just one proof of that."

Finally, our pleas have been heard.

The video below has been provided by our friends, the Winn brothers. They are familiar with our kind and, unlike many other humans, seek to understand us... somewhat. Hopefully, what they have to say will quell the masses of marauders at last.


26.1.10

AD : A Molly Moo Original

The One & Only
COW-ch


As seen on Molly Moo’s Menagerie of Modern Must-Have Marvels!

The COW-ch emits a soothing mechanical “merrr” when sat upon.

Available in 3 classic styles:
Angus
Holstein
Jersey

Only 999 Cow Chips! Free Shipping & Handling!

Order online or call:
I-Moo-4-Molly

Don’t waste another second!
Get yours today!


-Made from synthetic materials-

6.7.09

SCNN : Alleged Claims of Evil Spy Cows

The Spy Cow Network has received reports of conspiratorial cows working in "the heart of America's farmlands". This week, the Spy Cow Network made an official statement concerning these allegations:

"The Spy Cow Network has only ever worked toward peace between cattle and humankind. All claims concerning conspiratorial cows have no founding within the Spy Cow Network. These are the types of issues that we fight to expel from cattle communities. Any cattle participating in such activities as 'scheming up ways for world domination', organizing hostile herds of 'Ninja Cows', and exterminating innocent creatures (such as chickens and deer) from their communities must beware of the justice of the Spy Cow Network. We take none of these exploits lightly."

The Spy Cow spokesperson, whose identity has been left anonymous for security purposes, went on to say that any conspiratorial acts that result in animosity between cattle and humankind are an outright denunciation of association with all civilized creatures. Thus, actions taken by humankind as a result of such insidious acts, including the setting up of "large fence[s] with sentry posts", "rows of chickens armed with eggs", and the exclusion of "allow[ing] groupings of more than two cows [together] at a time", will be implemented upon all offending parties.

*A special thanks to the Night Writer for information regarding unlawful cattle exploits.

30.5.09

SCNN : The Human-Cattle Peace Treaty of 1996

After hundreds of years of humans' mistreatment of cattle, a peace treaty was established known as the Human-Cattle Peace Treaty of 1996. The peace treaty, known by humans as the Producer Code for Cattle Care, includes the following agreements:

-Humans must provide adequate food, water and care to protect cattle health and well-being.
-Humans must provide disease prevention practices to protect herd health.
-Humans must provide facilities that allow safe and humane movement and/or restraint of livestock.
-Humans must use appropriate methods to euthanize sick or injured livestock.
-Humans must provide personnel with training to properly handle and care for cattle.
-Humans must minimize stress when transporting cattle.

The peace treaty is also clear on another important point: humans who willfully mistreat cattle will not be tolerated. From this peace treaty has come many great developments in the cattle community. One of those developments has been the Spy Cow Network. Support us in our pursuit for the betterment of cattle-kind. Organize your own Spy Cow Team to promote greater peace in the world.

*See http://www.beeffrompasturetoplate.org

14.5.09

SCNN : Spy Cow Team Prime

Introducing Spy Cow Team Prime. For years, these three cattle have led the Spy Cow Network in tracking down and capturing criminals. They are, from left to right:

Bo Vyne; Description: Jersey Bull; Expertise: Boxing
Lilly (Lil') Heifer; Description: Holstein Cow; Expertise: Karate
Noah Udder; Description: Angus Bull; Expertise: Wrestling

The Spy Cow Network needs more teams like Team Prime. Join and become a Spy Cow today!

12.5.09

SCNN : What is the Spy Cow Network?

The Spy Cow Network is an international organization of cattle dedicated to uncovering evil in the world and bringing wrongdoers to justice. Although it may be hard to believe, many crimes are committed within cattle communities. For hundreds of years, cattle have been searching for a way to bring greater peace to the world.

The Spy Cow Network is constantly seeking out individuals desiring to create new Spy Cow Teams to join in the cause. If you are such an individual, take a few minutes to check out the Spy Cow Team - Organization Handbook.